Embracing Life after Loss!

Embracing life after loss is tough. We have so much to live for. Our children, grandchildren, and extended family. So many good and beautiful gifts all around us. 

Yet, our life hurts. We are in shock and numb to everything. And it is hard to see the beauty!

Emotions are frazzled (if that is even a world). 

Our minds overwhelmed. 

Our souls shaken. 

So, how do we do it? 

I suggest we make a shift. Life isn't a task to be completed. A goal to be reached. A timeline to follow.

So, the shift is moving from doing to being. Life is being aware of what is happening within us and around us! It is waking up the present moment. Is breathing in and out. It is looking. It is listening. It is embracing all of the adventure of being alive. Joy and sadness. Laughter and tears. Faith and doubt. All of it. 

Grief isn't something we do as much as it is an overall reaction we make to the loss of someone we love!

 In our "only the strong survive world," then grief becomes the opponent we fight. Our goal is to out maneuver it. Defeat it. Create five steps. Move through it. Boom! Past it!

Unfortunately, grief isn't a task. A goal. A timeline. An opponent. An enemy. 

Instead, grief is a teacher. A revealer. A passageway. A different way of seeing life. More specifically, a different way of viewing our life. 

Where is the shift? From doing grief to being in grief. Allowing our life to speak the truths we need to hear right now!

What are those truths? 

1. Allow yourself space and time to grieve: Grief is a natural and necessary process after experiencing loss. Give yourself permission to feel the pain and sadness that comes with it. Allow yourself to cry, talk about your feelings, or seek support from loved ones or support groups. It's essential to acknowledge and process your emotions. My friend, Jan Johnson, suggests that grief comes and knocks on the door. If we don't answer the door, grief doesn't go away and leave us alone, it comes back later and knocks the door down. We may deny it, or even try to delay it, but it will always come back until we let it in. 

2. Take care of yourself: During challenging times, it's crucial to prioritize self-care. Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being is essential in rebuilding your life. This isn't being self-indulgent as much as it is being kind and gentle. Set boundaries. Save your energy for your most important people and things to do. 

3. Accept support: Don't hesitate to lean on your support system, whether it's family, friends, or a therapist. Ask for help. Let others do the things you don't have the energy to do. Receiving help is not a sign of weakness but of strength. It is recognizing and accepting your limits as this time. 

4. Honor your loved one's memory: In the early days, you may feel too wounded and vulnerable. With time, you will want to find meaningful ways to honor and remember your loved one. This could involve creating a tribute, such as a photo album or a memory box, writing letters, or participating in activities that your loved one enjoyed. By keeping their memory alive, you can find comfort and a sense of connection.

5. Embrace realistic expectations: Recognize that healing takes time and that everyone's journey is unique.  Allow yourself to grieve at your own pace and be gentle with yourself during the process. Be kind to yourself. Be patient. Practice compassion for you. 

6. Do small things: Make the bed when you first get up in the morning. Get outside for a few minutes. Engage life as well as you can. No marathons to run. Pray. Breathe. Take another step. 

7. Embrace the gift of the present moment: In the first weeks after Dianne, my wife, died, I would sit at the dining table with a cup of coffee at the beginning of each day. There I sat, alone, with my thoughts. Trying to make sense of something I couldn't explain--even to myself. Over time a mantra eased into my thoughts. Awake. Alive. Aware. I am awake. I am alive. I am aware. Those three simple words kept me in the present moment. That's all we have is NOW!

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve, and your journey is unique. Be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself as you navigate through the process of embracing life after loss.

This isn't easy, nor is it quick. But you are worth it!