THEY ARE WORTH IT!

In her book, Grief Is Loving, Joanne Cacciatore writes, “Our beloved dead are worth our pain. They are worth our tears. They are worth remembering.”

Her words seem to point us in a different direction.

One that leads away from common wisdom. Meaning the words, we often hear when someone we love dies. Like, “They are in a better place.” Or “Time heals all wounds.” Or, maybe even, “You just need to get over it and get on with life.”

Basically, there isn’t anything wrong with the words. It is more the feeling they generate. One of being pushed into a box. “Do it this way. Get out a band-aid put it on the wound in your soul and move on.”

Why? Because we don’ like to talk about, loss, pain, nor death. Our everyday words. The ones we use to explain and fix our wonderful world and beautiful life don’t work.

Instead, those in grief are encouraged to ignore the hurt. Avoid it. Pretend it isn’t there. And certainly don’t spend any time with it.

The implication is that grief carries an expiration date. In 30 days, you will be at this point. In 90 days, you will be at another point. In a year, you will be well on your way to a new beginning.  

Unfortunately, the messages we hear and the push we feel, overlooks one very important word.

Worth. A synonym might be value, or even treasure. But such an important and vital word. One that causes us to slow down the process. Reject the urgency. Push back against the empty platitudes.

“Our beloved dead are worth our pain.” If grieving is loving, then I believe our loved one, our person, is worth our pain.

Why? Because we loved deeply, we hurt deeply. Life isn’t a drive-through window. We don’t get to pull up to a menu, pick out the number, order it, and drive on to another destination.   

Instead, life invites us. Or, maybe even forces us to pull off the road altogether. To stop. To be still. To feel. To listen.

A broken heart is not fixed quickly.

A wounded soul doesn’t find peace overnight.

Our loved one is worth our pain. Our loved one is worth our tears. Our loved one is worth remembering.

May we honor our loved one and may we honor our own worth by taking our time and healing from the inside out.