What Is Normal Grief?

Lots of questions that could have been asked:

• What is normal grief?
• What is normal for people in grief?
• What can we do to make grief normal? 
• How can we plan for normal grief? 
• What is normal for my grief? 

Basically, we can ask as many questions as we like. And we will come back to the same answer. Normal grief doesn't exist! 

This we do know.

You will experience and process grief your way. It will be your grief fingerprint so to speak. 

We can describe the impact grief may have on a person, but not know how it will impact any one individual. 

In our desire to control life, we like to measure, weigh, and scale events. Normal grief would fall in the 5-7 range. It would weigh 10.3 lbs. And it would last exactly three years, four months, five days, thirteen hours, fifty seven minutes, and thirty three seconds. It would flow in a straight line. 

Grief can't be controlled.

Grief can't be measured.

Grief can't be weighed.

Grief can't be planned.

It is the loss of a person. The loss of love. It is a broken heart. 

A rule of thumb might be: Big love = big grief. 

It doesn't flow in a straight line. It zigs, zags, and slides all over the place.

You can anticipate some moments of sadness and be completely blindsided by others. 

So, what can we do?

Practice self-care. Get good rest. Eat well. Sit with nature. Take a walk.  

Be kind and gentle to your self. 

Notice the pain. 

Move toward it in small steps. 

Remember. 

Tell the story. 

Surround yourself with compassionate and supportive people. 

Grief is not anything that can be measured, weighed, planned, or controlled. It is one of the deepest and most profound life experiences. It must be lived. For in living through the pain, we find our way to a new normal. It may not be the one we wanted or even liked, but our person is worth the time and effort.