Grieving as a Care Giver

As a caregiver, you grieve when a loved one passes away. So much of your energy and compassion was focused on the well-being and health of your person. Doctor's visits. Treatments. Medicine schedule. All of this if there was sickness or disease.  

You kept the mental tasks in order and checked them off minute by minute. At the same time, your heart could see the changes in your loved one's health and appearance. Pain showed up in your spirit before the loss ever happened. 

Caregiver grief is a form of anticipatory grief, which can consume you and cause you to feel profound sadness and loss.

There may be mixed emotions. After the death of your person, you may feel guilt over their death and relief that they’ve passed on. Guilt because you couldn't do more. Relief that you don't have to carry the burden of medical care and decisions.

You can expect to mourn not only their death but also all the cumulative grief that has piled on since you took over their care.

Here are some tips for dealing with caregiver grief after a death:

Being a care giver is another expression of love. It may be too soon to use the word, grateful, because your heart is broken. But keep in mind. In the most difficult and fragile days, you touched, you held, and you gave. Thank you for being an instrument of grace and hope to the person you loved in their final days. 

Being a care giver is another role. Another hat you were asked to wear. You were able to put the words of love you shared into practical and humbling ways. 

You did it. Grateful for every action and second. Yet, even care givers have limits. It may be time to ask others for help. It's a good thing to recognize your needs.

Take care of yourself. Self-care is not being selfish or self-centered. It is sharing the compassion you have given to others on yourself. 

If you have been a care giver, I applaud you.